I grew up on the outskirts of a small town in Ontario, Canada. Some may have heard of it- Bobcaygen. I also come from a small family- 2 sisters and 4 first cousins in total. We didn't get many opportunities to go to weddings growing up as a child, but I always dreamed of my own from as long as I can remember. I would play with my dolls and get them all dressed up and role play the wedding. Yes I know- this is not unique to myself (sounds excatly like the opening scene of a well known movie). Either way this developed into me creating a wedding scrapbook during my teenage years- complete with cut out dresses, flowers, venues, etc. All the while exclaiming to my father that I would be married when I was 20 years old. His warning of "not rushing in to things too quickly" falling on half listening ears.
It would be a few more years before I ended up marrying my college boyfriend closer to the 30's than my 20's. All the while I finished my nursing program and started working full time as a RPN. Planning my own wedding in 2014 truly sparked a creative desire in myself that I didn't find during my nursing days. Either way, life has a funny way of changing your plans and I found myself taking time to focus on myself due to health reasons. This journey led me to meet my now partner (as my marriage hadn't survived my health crisis). Through this relationship I found myself in the company of a beautful Hindu family who invited me as a guest to their daughter's wedding celebration in May of 2022 in Tirupati, India.
This was such an amazing experience- beyond my little childhood dreams had ever held. From the custom sarees that were made for me, to the local guide the family had hired to take me and my partner around the local sites. We were gifted with such an amazing opportunity and I am so thankful for having the opportunity to truly be immersed into the Indian Hindu culture. I spent a few weeks trying to research the different traditions and we made sure to pack some Indian outfits that we had sourced prior to leaving for the trip. We arrived in India a few days prior to the wedding ceremony, we arrived in the evening and were chauffered right to the engagement party. Jet-legged and overwhelemed with the newness- as I had only met a few of the family members only on zoom a handful of times before this trip, I sat back thoroughly enjoying my first Indian meal in India.
The next day we were both asked to join the Haldi ceremony which is a pre-wedding ceremony where the bride had a tumeric paste rubbed on her skin by her parents and loved ones, which is believed to purify the skin, bring good luck and ward off evil. This was such a beautiful event- the couple had decided to have separate events at their respective homes. The night before we had been visiting the bride's family at their home where the Haldi cermeony was to take place the next day- and the decor team had been there into the early am hours hand stringing each jasmine garland. The sunflower arch was being built and I could feel the excitment building. The morning arrived and we were met with a saree stylist who helped me into my first saree. I truly felt like a princess in this moment. Even more than that I loved being able to witness such a beautiful intimate moment with this family. They were kind enough to explain the ceremony and what to expect- but to be asked to be a part of it was an honour I wasn't prepared for. When they asked my partner and myself to rub paste on the bride-to-be's face, I was stunned but amazed by their openness and hospitality.
Being able to have this opportunity is something of a dream come true. I had just spent the last few years studying the practice of yoga while I was getting certified as a yoga teacher. I had been drawn to the beauty and connectedness of the Hindu tradition that I was learning about, and as a self described "lifetime student", I was touched deeply with the experiences that I was being gifted. Being able to witness the different traditions that this culture honoured, while also having it translated so I understood why they did certain things, was such a great way to learn about this culture. Then being asked to also join in the Aashirvad ceremony (where loved ones lay gifts at the feet of the individual/couple as a way to bless them)- was truly humbling.
The love and warmth during these events were evident in everyone's joyous expressions. This was still only the brides family at these events- as the Baraat was being held that evening- the bride's family was officially welcoming the groom and his family into their home. The family had built their home in the small villiage a few hours away from Chennai, India. This village was beyond any state of poverty I had ever seen. It was a very eye opening experience. Not to mention- terrifiying as we sped through the streets (“if I close my eyes, we are not driving through any amounts of traffic at all”, which may or may not have been my mantra throughout the trip).
What I remember most though, were the smiles on the local's faces. As they sat on their front curbs, or while they leaned against a tree on the side of the road- no matter what people smiled and laughed. They struggled, obvioulsly- but they seemed to radiate a type of joy that you don't see often in Canada. Where does this come from? Is it their faith? Is it their sense of community? It was a question that percolated in mind many times- as we now say, rent free.
Community. What an important word. Family is a sort of community- between a blend of blood and love. A group of like-minded individuals who come together with a focus. A wedding is a celebration of the union of two communities coming together in joyous union- to strengthen their morals and values. The complexitity of marriage is a whole another blog post, but truly seeing how important community is within this culture, was something I loved to witness. It was validating in a deep way to see the importance of union and how they honour that throughout their lives was one of my favourite things I took away from this trip.
When the Baraat event started, which was held on the street which the bride's family's home was located, I was so excited as the energy of the evening was tingling in the air. Not to mention the soft smell of jasmine, which was strung around the street and being tied to women's hair. I was taken under the wings of the lovely women of this family, who kept me updated on traditions and details. I had changed into a beautiful yellow formal kurta that I had borrowed from a friend and one of the aunties (sadly her name escapes my memory) tied a fresh jasmine garland into my hair. The drumming started as the Dhol players began the announcing of the arrival of the groom. The street was lit up with lights and the music led the way for a group of dancers who ushered the way for the groom, his family and close friends into the brides family home in joyous celebration.
The family had invited all of the towns people to enjoy the festivities and it was so wonderful to be able to mingle and meet with some of these lovely humans. It truly was a moment that I will never forget. Being the only white people at the party, my partner and I were always being asked to learn different dances and to dance in front of the crowd. Personally, I loved the spotlight- though slightly terrified since I had a lot of people watching me learn a completely different culture. It was so much fun!! Dancing in a small town Indian street with so many lovely new friends- I felt alive. We danced into the night until the lights literally went out. The generators had overpowered the grid and the lights went out for the whole town. This didn’t stop the party though, as they continued to dance until the early morning hours. My partner and I had retired around midnight- as jet leg was setting in hard. I fell asleep that night in such deep gratitude for this beautiful experience.
The following day we were asked to join the family and wedding party at a catered breakfast at the family’s mango farm. The tour of the farm included a personal tour of the families temple which had been built around a banyan tree that the father of the bride had planted when his daughter had been born. This beautiful tree was so magnificent- it’s aerial roots creating a magical feel that was only enhanced by the sensation that this was a sacred site for this family- that this was a deep honour to beholding. We had removed our shoes, as a sign of respect before entering and the cool payment was extremely refreshing in the heavy heat of the Indian summer.
Heading back to the comfortable shade of the mango trees, my senses were delighted with the sweet and savoury catered breakfast we were being served. The warm dosas topped with a mango chutney prepared from the farm of the mangos tree we were sitting under. As a foodie, this meal may be one of my favourites yet! The afternoon was a whirlwind of tourist stops, with a hired chauffeur who helped us navigate through the city of Tripathi. Having an English speaking guide allowed us to explore parts of the city we most likely would've avoided. Some of my favourite gifts I took home were from a small local market that Sree (our guides name) took us to.
The next wedding event we were invited to was the Sangeet which was such an amazing evening filled with delicious food and wonderful entertainment. The two families performing to various dances. The love story of the courtship being presented on stage to their few hundred closest family and friends. They had professional dance troups and individual dance artists also performing for their guests. Once again, I was volunteered to go up on stage to learn an Indian dance before the stage became a huge dance party for the familiy and bridal party. My partner and myself being pulled onto the stage to celelbrate with them all. At this point I was being asked to take Selfies with some of the local towns people. It was a very strange sensation- as someone who has always harboured dreams of stardom, it was wild to have strangers ask me for my photograph. Also I have to admit, I was having so much fun with the wardrobe. I loved the Indian outfits I was able to wear.
The next morning we were in for something truly special, even though we had an extremely early wakeup call. We were asked to be apart of a small group of the bride and grooms closest friends and family and we were all being driven up the mountain to the well known Venkateswara Temple. We were given special access and were each blessed by the pandits during the bride and grooms puja ceremony. We were then given special close access to view the shrine to Lord Venkateshwara- while unable to a take photos of the temple, I don't need any photos to remember the overwhelming sense of peace and tranqulity that I felt throughtout my body during this moment. That night I was invited to the family home for the Mehndi party where I had henna applied to my hand. The bride had the most intricate pattern on her hands and feet, with her grooms name hidden somewhere in the design.
The next evening was the wedding ceremony. A family member graciously helped me with my saree that the family had custom made for me. I had also been informed that formal Indiain weddings were a place to showcase jewels and gold- so we had purchased some high quality costume jewlery prior to leaving Canada- before knowing what colours I would be wearing. I was so happy with how everything came together for my look for the wedding. My date was provided with a ceremonial robe as well. When we arrived we were shown to our seats at the very front row on the first loveseat. I was a bit astounded but I sat quietly taking everything in. The scope of this mandaap was so intricate and beautiful. The stage had been completely built for the custom design. Each strand was handwoven jasmine. The smell was a mixture of jasmine and incense. Being able to witness the ceremony with all of its traditional elements was so touching. Further deepening my respect for this beautiful culture and religion. This event had also been open to the townspeople of the family village. The parking lot had been converted into an event space holding over 3000 people. The ceremony was being live broadcast for these guests and the same buffet that we had inside was also provided to all.
The wedding celebrations had been more than I had ever imagined but it wasn't over yet. A few more days of sight seeing and then we were invited for the reception in the grooms home area of Visakhapatnam. We were flown to this city and escorted to a coastal town for the reception. This event was much more inimate. It was full of family and friends all celebrating and dancing with the bridal couple. They played some games and once again I was called up to particiapte. It was quite hilarious to watch as the groom touched the feet of each woman, trying to decphier who's belonged to his bride- which he got right in the end! We were invited to stay in the city for a few more days before flying back to Chennai. Here we spent a few more days sightseeing around the city. I was also able to cross off another 'bucket list' item when I got to put my feet in the Bay of Bengal. We headed home to Canada a few days later but this trip still sits in my heart. It was such an amazing opportunity and I am still so grateful for it re-sparked my love for weddings. A few weeks later I started a new role as a wedding coordinator.
Love is a language that is multicultural and multilingual. You can tell when love is being expressed in any given moment. Being able to witness and learn about another’s beliefs when it comes to something as important as marriage is always such a gift that I never take lightly. I truly love being able to support my clients in their wedding event needs- knowing that they can remain in the present, soaking in every joy filled moment is so rewarding for me.
Written By Nicole Dewar
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